Friday, December 01, 2006

Dear Guests and Permanent Residents,

Welcome to Doc Canoodle's House of Secrets!

I am Dr. Canoodle Coitus of the University of Hiddenbridge and for the very first time in the history of literature, I bring you a wealth of hidden truths about and within the world we live in. Ladies and gentlemen, please feel at home and do not hesitate to......... Wait, I can't seem to complete this sentence. Well forget about it and pretend it was never there. Do you really have to?

Since from my name it is rather conspicuous that this page is no page for children, parental advisory is necessary for guests below 18 who wish to peruse or even attempt to read any material found in this page. I am not imposing restrictions nor am I preventing you from entering through the gates of Pleasure and Pure Sanity however, some information presented in this blog may represent elements that may prove detrimental to immature minds. Hence, you are adviced to request for permission prior to gaining access to any post in this blog for the matter.

Now that the musts have been laid straight, I once again welcome you to my house of knowledge and hope you will enjoy your stay here. You may leave your requests or comments at the comments desk outside each reading room. Dr. Canoodle would be proud to handle any doubts or questions you may expect him to clarify or answer (I am him but its some style).

Yours Inbedly,

Dr. Canoodle Coitus MBB(ADHD).

Sunday, November 12, 2006

The Incident

“Take off your pants!” The man shouted. “Take it off!” He shouted again as his face begin to turn blood-red. There was a lady on the bed in front of the man and she was lying there with her arms tied to her back. She could not say anything nor do anything as it appeared that he has sealed all her response-active faculties. She was dressed like any ordinary lady one might find on the streets of Thailand; tight jeans, bust-revealing top and there was very little space between the fabrics over the skin on her chest creating an embossed effect of her obtrusive nipples on her the blouse she was wearing.
”Alright, if you’re not going to do it, I’ll do it for you myself!” He said. He was nothing but white-haired, pink-skinned-pervert who obtained a Degree in Dipsology from the School of United Boozehounds. He was known for sexually assaulting his late-pet-cat and then brutally murdering it by sticking his finger into the feeble Siamese-cat’s rectum and extracting all vital innards he caught hold of. The reason being; the had cat played the harlot on him.

His name is Marcus Aurellius. Everything about him is average except for his obnoxious protruding JOY-Stick that could not be concealed even behind the thickest pair of jeans. Marcus was in Thailand for a pleasurable Thai body massage as it was part of the Mi4’s routine agenda in any of his schedules when he was assigned to a given task. This time Marcus was all out to try a whole new approach in pre-intercourse methods (or at least that was what he was thinking). The night before Marcus embarked on that mission, he decided to try a number on a card that had the name “Dr. Canoodle Coitus” on it. I spoke with him as with other clients and he was not satisfied with the service so he requested for something more.

He said, “You see I don’t want this game to be like all the other games I’ve tried. You’ve got to help me or else…….”

I was not prepared to give him any counsel for the matter then, hence, I persuaded him to contact me the following day. That night, I reclined in my comfy leather chair to meditate on the forces of Tantric Supremacy and after a couple of hours of meditation I was granted the exact solution Marcus was looking for. It was right on my floor on a very cold night. There were two cockroaches, one on top of the other.

They were American cockroaches belonging to the Blattaria: Blattidae, Periplaneta Americana family. After performing a thorough examination on both cockroaches via my version of the Hubble Indoor -Telescope, I was able to conclude that the one on top was a female and the other was the male. Marcus called me at the office the following day and was as furious as ever for no particular reason (no one can say anything because that’s just the way Marcus is). Anyways he requested for the solution and I revealed to him as it was granted to me. I told him that cockroaches have intercourse involving a unique pattern of methods.

Then he yelled, “Cockroaches! They are good around the head but they suck in orals!”

I said “Right, but that’s where you’re wrong. You see whenever they mate, they male would stick his belly out a little so the female could lick some kind of aphrodisiac off it.”

I told him he could get some chocolate sauce at the local Wal-Mart and rub it all over his belly or anywhere around the “pleasure-zone” and the lady's definitely going to love it. That night when Marcus was out with the lady, he got a whole bag full of cockroaches at the Crawl-Mart in Bangkok and brought it along with him to the room. The lady knew nothing of what was about to happen except that he requested for some ‘bondage’ elements to be included in the game and she granted him that request.

So he tied her up and gagged her mouth with a pillow case stripped off the pillow in the room. Then he went about his common stance of shouting and yelling, telling his ‘victim’ to take off her clothes. Obviously he had to help her with it. So he started with the jeans and then the blouse. When he was half way through the nipples he kissed it and struck it with his micro stun gun. Finally, when she was fully bare before him, he spread her legs slowly to see her clitoris part gently and he spat sporadically at it while it was opening. When it was fully opened, he performed the common oral method of the clitoris.

Now because Marcus has a long tongue with a hard tip, he could reach in through the canal and tickle the G-spot just like the women would love to have it. When he finished that he released the gag from the lady’s mouth and listened to her mourn. She liked it.
Right after that Marcus brought out the bag of ‘goodies’ and with his hand he grabbed a handful of cockroaches. The lady on the bed begin to scream frantically so he said,

“Don’t worry, you’ll like it.”

With her hands still tied, he spread the screaming lady’s legs further apart, raised her thighs and buttocks by placing them on his thighs and gently inserted the cockroaches one by one into the lady’s vagina. He put all the cockroaches in his hand into the vagina. The hairy feet of the cockroaches brushed along the canal of her vagina while some nibbled on her G-spot giving her much pleasure. The once screaming lady was now enjoying the sensation. When Marcus saw that she was really in the mood now, he quickly proceeded to insert his penis into her cockroach infested vagina and pumped in and out as she moaned in pleasure of the multiple effect of having bugs in her swarming in her ‘cunt’ and the abrasion of Marcus’s pink penis pacing in and out through her.
All the cockroaches in the bag were used that night and not many survived except for one that hid in the cervix of the lady. But it eventually was forced to crawl out when the lady reached her orgasms and due a stuffed vagina of sperm and cockroaches.

The cockroach that survived the incident contacted the Mi4 and informed them of Marcus’s hideous act. The agency then arrested Marcus for his crime which was the massacre of American Cockroaches who belonged to the Foundation of Cockroach Rights United. To compensate to the losses Marcus had imposed, the foundation insisted that Marcus impregnate the Queen Cockroach as she had lost her heir to the throne.

To date Marcus has been involved in more than 365 animal sexual-abuse acts and due his punishment he may not die until he is 230 years old. The lady in Thailand is now three months pregnant and medical reports say that the baby is asexual and has tentacles protruding from what should be his testacles.